Healing Rage: A Cognitive and Somatic Approach
Identification Feeds the Flame
If you’ve ever dealt with suppressed rage, you know it can feel like insanity when it hijacks you. As though all control is lost and that you can explode at any moment.
Is it any surprise that it can lurk in our shadows for years, wreaking havoc on our lives? It is a murderous force that our nervous system is literally scared to feel. Who knows what would happen if I expressed it! Will I hurt someone around me and be exiled from the tribe? Or worse, will I hurt myself?!
If we do not process our rage, it can pull the strings in the background of our lives, sabotaging ourselves, our relationships, or keep us stuck in a continual state of freeze (this was a big one for me). Suppressed rage can even cause medical anomalies like back pain, digestive issues, skin disorders, and more (I recommend Dr. John Sarno’s work if you want to explore the link between rage and medical diagnoses). Unfortunately, most of us have to experience a form of the previously stated until we realize something has to change.
As they say, awareness is the first step, and that is no different when it comes to rage. To begin processing it, you must stop identifying with it. This is the cognitive piece. You are not the injustice rage story that you ruminate over every morning in the shower. That is merely a rage-part within you, rooted in trauma, expressing itself through thoughts, and staying in control by getting you to feed it conscious attention by identifying with it.
The next time you catch yourself doing this - and you feel ready to start making the change - it can be helpful to break the pattern by calling it for what it is. For me, I use the label: Rage Thought. ”Oh, there’s another Rage Thought.” And in the beginning, I would even elaborate on the Why for myself, as to why I was breaking these cycles: “These inner rage arguments never end in a positive outcome for me. I just re-trigger myself and then continue to suffer. Back to the present moment.” This is also where some may find Parts Work to be a helpful modality by opening up a dialogue with the hurt part and mending its unmet needs.
When you stop identifying with the rage, you no longer feed it. It will start to lose its power of conscious attention through identification. It’s like gradually pruning what no longer serves us from our neural network, and re-shaping it into the one that aligns with our authentic Self.
Build Capacity and Slow Down
Rage exists in the body. So, when you conduct this process of non-identification, it is important to couple it with Somatic Work. We must nurture a sense of safety in the body, with practices such as resourcing, so that we can build the capacity to be with the sensations of the rage. Here is a tangible list of tools you can use to begin your process of building a resourcing list for yourself. A Somatic Practitioner can also be very beneficial here by helping guide you through the process and showing you how to stay within your Window of Tolerance, especially if you are new to Somatic Work.
With the two approaches (cognitive and somatic) of non-identification and nurturing safety are implemented, it can allow for the rage to authentically bubble up to the surface. And what do we do when it bubbles up? Typically, my clients (and myself included, in the beginning) want to explode into an uncontrollable scream and flail their limbs like a madman. However, it is the opposite that can really help bring this survival impulse to completion.
Instead, when we can feel the rage at the surface, and it begins to express itself through somatic movements, we want to gently slow down those natural bodily movements. We’re not taking complete, conscious control of or stopping the impulse to flail our arms around and scream, we’re just slightly slowing it down so that we can feel it in all of its depth and nuance. That way, we can compassionately, and unconditionally, observe the total experience of this trauma part within ourselves, as that is most likely what it needed when it was originally created. If we just go into a flailing rage-fit every time, we can get lost in the chaos and just reinforce a pattern.
When I was processing a significant well of rage within my system - through the guidance of my Somatic Practitioner - I slightly slowed down the bodily movements that the rage organically expressed itself through. I was able to fully feel its essence: I was the enraged little baby, wanting to burn the world down for the deep injustice of being trapped in my mother’s womb. I watched the perceived insanity of the enraged part that wanted to destroy everything, including myself. Before working with my Practitioner, I would look like a rabid animal trying to shake out some sort of rage demon from my body. But that just reinforced a pattern of ping-ponging from hyper- to hypo-arousal states. Slowing down is what truly allowed me to experience all of it, and therefore, let it pass.
Rather than seeing yourself as a human trying to push out all of your rage at once, envision yourself as a patient and curious observer, unconditionally watching and sensing the rage and all of its layered manifestations bubble up to the surface. And as you nurture your body through Somatic Work, you will grow the awareness of intuition around your its impulses. You will learn how to gently follow the natural movements that the rage will organically express itself through, and have the capacity to feel what it wants to show you.
Screaming in a pillow, flailing your arms, or hitting a punching bag may be what authentically comes up to release the rage, but you will intuitively know if it is happening naturally, when it is time, or if you are trying to force it. Only the honest, individual observer can know that.
The periods of feeling the rage-bubbles come up can be really tough, especially for our Western minds. Because we want things now. I wish I had a nickel for every time a client told me “I want this out of me now!” However, the sooner we can learn that this healing isn’t up to our ego, but rather, the intelligence of the autonomic nervous system, the easier the trauma-healing ride can be.
In Summary
Cognitive: Don’t identify with the rage. Observe its manifestations, do not take part, and break the patterns by seeing it for what it is
Somatic: Nurture safety in your body through Somatic Work
Build the capacity to be with the rage as it bubbles up within you
Gently and slowly follow the organic impulses and movements that come up when the body is ready to discharge it
Then resource, resource, resource…and resource some more :)