There is more to Somatic Experiencing than doing Somatic Exercises

We are wired for connection

Note: The information provided in this post is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional medical or therapeutic support. The below information may not apply to everyone, through no fault of their own, but hopefully it adds value to those who find it relevant.

It is not rare that I come across people inquiring online, or new clients, who are hyper-focused on just jumping from one somatic exercise to another in order to find relief. Maybe this is from the impression social media has given us with the onslaught of clips, videos, and courses that encourage us to incorporate an array of somatic exercises in order to save us from our pain. Or maybe it just comes from a misunderstanding of what Somatic Experiencing fully entails.

In all sincerity, exercises are wonderful, and sometimes a necessary component. I used them a lot when I was in the difficult stages of my healing journey. They can help greatly in nurturing safety into our nervous system by allowing us to grow our capacity to feel and build our resiliency to return to regulation after being triggered. This viscerally communicates to our nervous system that it is safe, and can therefore mobilize trauma energy when it is ready to. All good stuff.

However, focusing on just exercises to nurture safety can only get you so far

An additional, and significant component to Somatic Experiencing (and healing trauma overall), is nurturing a sense of safety through co-regulation. Co-regulation is what happens when you are connecting with another Being you feel safe with. It is why you may feel settled or at peace after spending time with a close friend in a cafe. Why you may feel more “like yourself” when playing fetch with your dog. Or maybe the anxiety, fear, and irritability that was hijacking you has lessened since sharing the same room as your therapist.

We are literally wired for connection. It is why the Ventral Vagal branch of the Vagus Nerve (the social engagement part of our Parasympathetic Nervous System) has so many connections in the face. See below:

When the Ventral Vagus is stimulated, it can bring about a sense of safety and calmness. Communicating with others through our facial expressions and eye contact, acknowledging each other’s presence as a conscious being in space…it all speaks to that Ventral Vagus bundle.

Co-regulating with beings we care about can also serves to remind us that at some point we just need to live, and being able to feel safe laughing with a friend in the present moment is a crucial part of what it means to be human. This is why nervous system work is more than just doing exercises and fixating on our trauma story (which can create the illusory need of constantly chasing our trauma).

There are many avenues in which we can engage in co-regulation. It can be with co-workers, friends, family, or a somatic practitioner - with whomever you feel safe. However, it is definitely not unheard of for other humans to be too triggering for some. If that is the case, pets, or the gradual building of trust with a therapist/practitioner can be great options. Pets can serve as a beautiful and unconditionally loving resource to co-regulate with.

When it comes to somatic practitioners; a good practitioner will nurture a safe space for you by attuning to the nervous system state in which you are at, inquiring into sensations you are experiencing, and guiding you by pendulating your awareness to areas you may have not considered to from your own perspective. All of this further facilitates the healing process and can bring about change in the system, and in somatic work, all change is good. I love seeing clients have that "ah-ha" moment when they experience change from a certain sensory/somatic pattern that they've been locked into, simply by us engaging in slowed, present, and inquisitive awareness together. In fact, depending on where you are in your process, a practitioner may not even introduce any exercises for a while in an effort to start slow and solely focus on somatically tracking, pendulating, and resourcing.

If you feel you’ve been trying a lot of exercises and have plateaued in your process, it may be time to work with a practitioner. For some, it is incredibly difficult to heal trauma in isolation, and as a colleague of mine once said, “Trauma needs to be observed.” There is something special in the way we are wired that responds to the unconditional observance of a witness to our process.